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A Singers Death
October 18th, 2002, a sad day to most fans, for their idol Luo Wen left them forever. It's really bad news to the HK music circles, as well as to me.
Luo Wen, in my mind, was always strict with himself in his singing career. His early song were all vigorous and inspiring,partly for the special social environment at that time. Later, as the idol singers came up one after another, the old songs were not fit for the young fans, so he tried to change his style. And these years, he began to help some new singers to improve their skills. His songs were so influential that the HK Minister of Finance even used one to encourage all the citizens to work hard to gether and overcome the difficulty bravely.
Unfortunately, about two years ago, the news that he got cancer flew into our ears. However, he still went on singing and teaching. He had been struggling with the disease until the last minute. As the newspapers reported, he didn't close his eyes when he died. Someone said it was because he had a wish unfulfilled. He had hoped to give the last performance in HK in September, but his illness prevented him from doing that. It may be the biggest regret in his life. It's also said that he only weighed 32 kilograms at the end of his life. You can't imagine how much he had suffered from the disease. But every time we saw him in public, he was wearing a smile.
The next day, many newspapers reported his death and simultaneously praised him for his contribution to the HK music circles and his spirit of struggling against the disease. He set a good
example for those young people who don't value their lives.
簡(jiǎn) 評(píng)
在香港歌手羅文因病逝世之際，作者寫(xiě)了這篇文章，表達(dá)了對(duì)羅文的深切哀悼。文中，作者綜述了羅文對(duì)香港歌壇的貢獻(xiàn)，如在演唱風(fēng)格上他不斷地變化創(chuàng)新，致力于培養(yǎng)樂(lè)壇新人，他對(duì)公眾的影響力等，頌揚(yáng)了他與疾病做斗爭(zhēng)的頑強(qiáng)精神，最后作者號(hào)召大家珍惜生命的價(jià)值。字里行間流露出作者對(duì)羅文的喜愛(ài)，對(duì)他不幸逝世的惋惜和對(duì)他人格的敬仰。
文中的一些具體細(xì)節(jié)和例子使文章生動(dòng)不少，如香港財(cái)政司長(zhǎng)用他的歌來(lái)鼓舞市民努力工作，克服困難；他因未完成最后的心愿而死不瞑目；他在飽受病魔折磨之際仍然面帶微笑地出現(xiàn)在公眾面前等。
但這篇文章在構(gòu)思上的一大缺陷是由于對(duì)羅文的介紹涉及了多個(gè)方面，均是一筆帶過(guò)，泛泛而談，沒(méi)有具體的展開(kāi)，使文章顯得較為空洞、缺乏主題和深度。如果能就其中的某一點(diǎn)層層深入展開(kāi)論述，人物的形象會(huì)更加鮮明、飽滿(mǎn)。文章的主題會(huì)更為明確，更為深刻。
此外，文中還有幾處表達(dá)顯得生硬，如第三段中the news that he got cancer flew into our ears不符合英語(yǔ)的表達(dá)習(xí)慣，可改為word came that he had cancer。還有his illness prevented him from doing that，最好改為he was too weak to do that。
(點(diǎn)評(píng)教師：黃鶯)
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